You decide! Which are these?
-A student's mother offering to let me live in their home so I can teach her child
-Students repeatedly trying to slap my bottom for fun
-Young students assaulting me with full contact hugs, oblivious to the fact that their faces are right at crotch level
-(My personal favorite) A student saying that her dream party would be "at Tom's house, because I want to eat Tom." She's 8.
Yeah, I went with creepy too.
Saturday, December 22, 2012
Wednesday, December 12, 2012
Street food is best food
This greasy, messy, delicious pile has been my go-to meal of choice after work for the past couple months. The noodle vendor and grilling vendor operate in the same parking lot, so I combine their products. The white things on the left side are made of rice that's mushed together into a cake. After being greased up, grilled, and seasoned, it's delicious and crunchy on the outside, and satisfyingly chewy on the inside. The whole thing is incredibly substantial, for $2.50.
I just ate it and I already want seconds.
I just ate it and I already want seconds.
If I ever need motivation to go to work...
...I'll just look at these pictures again. His English name is Tom, so of course we bonded immediately. He was attached to my legs for a few minutes the first time I met him, until I carried him around upside down for a while. Then he gave me candy.
Photographic Evidence
One of the perks of working for a bigger company is the free stuff we occasionally get. The 'regional team building' event from a few days ago, for example, was a cowboy-themed all-you-can-drink extravaganza. Everyone dressed up, played pool, drank on EF's dime, did some line dancing, and rode the mechanical bull. Good times.
Tuesday, December 11, 2012
Shifty Bull
Tonight, on my first try, I successfully rode a mechanical bull for over a minute, at which point they powered it down.
Three to five beers later, I successfully rode a mechanical bull for over 15 seconds, at which point I was gracefully bucked off in a dignified manner.
Great success.
Three to five beers later, I successfully rode a mechanical bull for over 15 seconds, at which point I was gracefully bucked off in a dignified manner.
Great success.
Wednesday, November 28, 2012
Corporal punishment, reporting in.
When I was first teaching at my school, I didn't know how much disciplinary power I had over my students. Am I allowed to make them sit outside the classroom, for example, or to even dismiss them entirely? After all, they're paying good money to be in these classes. (The answer, by the way, is yes.)
A big part of dispelling my fears came from my first round of PTMs, or parent teacher meetings. All of the parents wanted to know that their kids were behaving well and paying attention. There was little to no sense of entitlement from the parents of students with disciplinary issues.
The other part came from seeing the parents interact with their children. A great many still use physical punishment on their kids for acting up. Mostly it's a slap on the wrist or something, but once in a while I'll see a mother being quite forceful with her child's backside/thighs.
Now, I remember being spanked (once?) as a kid for acting up in church, and I'm sure I deserved it. No problem. But these parents are much more cavalier in dishing out smacks, and are not afraid to do it in front of other students, parents, and teachers. From what I can see, it's not effective as a long-term solution.
Kids are wily. As soon as their parents/teachers aren't watching, they'll act up again. In my experience, though, if you teach them why they shouldn't act up and provide incentive for good behavior, it'll stick.
100% effective? Nope. More effective than hitting them often enough that they don't care anymore? Damn right.
Saturday, November 24, 2012
Mystery meat
It's common in Shanghai to see raw vegetables, fish, fruit, fungus, and meat just sitting on trays in front of street food vendors. You just give them the skewered ingredients, and they'll grill it, add it to noodles/rice, or cook it in spicy broth for soup. It's delicious!
Most of the time, I have no idea what sort of meat I'm getting. It's small seasoned bits that usually end up being chicken meat and innards. Last night, though, I got some crunchy-chewy giblets that were really confusing to my mouth. I ate them all, though, and figured it was some animal organ that I hadn't tried before. It tasted fine, but had a bizarre texture. So, I went and asked them what it was!
Through a series of pointing and confused looks, I found out.
It was balls. Yes, testicles. I ate them. Not sure which animal.
On the bright side, it was one of the funniest hand-gesture conversations I've ever had! They thought it was hilarious.
Most of the time, I have no idea what sort of meat I'm getting. It's small seasoned bits that usually end up being chicken meat and innards. Last night, though, I got some crunchy-chewy giblets that were really confusing to my mouth. I ate them all, though, and figured it was some animal organ that I hadn't tried before. It tasted fine, but had a bizarre texture. So, I went and asked them what it was!
Through a series of pointing and confused looks, I found out.
It was balls. Yes, testicles. I ate them. Not sure which animal.
On the bright side, it was one of the funniest hand-gesture conversations I've ever had! They thought it was hilarious.
Tuesday, November 13, 2012
Big fancy Chinese wedding
One of my coworkers, Aimee, got married, and almost the entire teaching staff from my school went. There was a bus to pick us up from work, which took us directly to the ritzy hotel that hosted the reception. For the most part, it was similar to American weddings. Lots of food, lots of family and friends, and lots of pictures.
Aimee changed dresses three times that day, which is symbolic of her transition from an unwed woman to joining with her husband. The groom had it a little rougher. Each table got to play a prank on him, of their choosing. I saw him eat some really inventive combinations of food, drink a scary looking mystery liquid, and light a cigarette through a 2-liter bottle. (They smoke everywhere here. Seems weird at first to see people light up in a hotel, but you get used to it.) Needless to say, the groom had kind of a rough night. The idea behind it is that their lives together start on a low point, and it only goes up from there. They handled it very well.
I had the honor of accompanying Aimee's husband in front of everyone on a traditional Chinese song. A few of my coworkers recorded it, but I don't have it yet. It was fun!
The reception was very laid back, fun, and full of craziness. There was a KTV (karaoke) contest, audience participation, quizzes, random gifts given out, and even a Gangnam Style dance contest. (If you don't know what Gangnam Style is, you can find it here. It's a silly Korean pop song that has swept the world.) Of course, that's about the only thing I got a decent picture of.
Speaking of Gangnam Style, this was in the Family Mart across the street from my apartment. I think I'd like their election coverage.
Aimee changed dresses three times that day, which is symbolic of her transition from an unwed woman to joining with her husband. The groom had it a little rougher. Each table got to play a prank on him, of their choosing. I saw him eat some really inventive combinations of food, drink a scary looking mystery liquid, and light a cigarette through a 2-liter bottle. (They smoke everywhere here. Seems weird at first to see people light up in a hotel, but you get used to it.) Needless to say, the groom had kind of a rough night. The idea behind it is that their lives together start on a low point, and it only goes up from there. They handled it very well.
I had the honor of accompanying Aimee's husband in front of everyone on a traditional Chinese song. A few of my coworkers recorded it, but I don't have it yet. It was fun!
The reception was very laid back, fun, and full of craziness. There was a KTV (karaoke) contest, audience participation, quizzes, random gifts given out, and even a Gangnam Style dance contest. (If you don't know what Gangnam Style is, you can find it here. It's a silly Korean pop song that has swept the world.) Of course, that's about the only thing I got a decent picture of.
Speaking of Gangnam Style, this was in the Family Mart across the street from my apartment. I think I'd like their election coverage.
This is what happens...
...when your students have paper, scissors, and free time after a test. You can call me Princess Tom.
The workings of fire
Just as I turned the corner to enter my apartment compound, I saw, and heard, something unexpected. There was a toddler barely old enough to run holding a stick, quickly backing away from what appeared to be the sparkler he had just lit. I was about to walk past it when it exploded.
Now, this wasn't one of those "government regulated" fireworks that is "safe" to use and "doesn't blow your thumbs off." This was an ear-smacking, pants-messing surprise that almost made my grilled veggies and rice go flying. And it was lit by a kid who couldn't have been more than two and a half. His parents were there, but still.
Now, this wasn't one of those "government regulated" fireworks that is "safe" to use and "doesn't blow your thumbs off." This was an ear-smacking, pants-messing surprise that almost made my grilled veggies and rice go flying. And it was lit by a kid who couldn't have been more than two and a half. His parents were there, but still.
Fireworks were invented in China, and it shows. They're used for weddings, parades, and, apparently, keeping your toddler entertained. At first, I thought maybe there was construction near my apartment, until I realized they were just fireworks being used for various celebrations. I've been here for two months, and I've had to temporarily stop class on account of a surprise fireworks show at least four times. Not that I'm complaining, mind you! Who doesn't like a free fireworks show now and then?
Wednesday, October 10, 2012
Things in China that shouldn't smell as good as they do
-Bug spray. Seriously, it would probably work as a gentle perfume, in a pinch.
-Dish soap. I've been tempted to try some, but haven't been quite that hungry. Yet.
-Napkins/TP/Kleenex. Oh, you have a runny nose? That's OK, dear, because now your face smells like lavender and apple pie.
-The Metro. Granted, there are exceptions, but for the most part it's a surprisingly well ventilated and clean place. (Except the bathrooms. We don't talk about the bathrooms.)
-Construction workers. My school is currently undergoing hefty renovation. Considering the high concentration of glue, sawdust, paint, and man sweat that's been flying around the school, I was expecting it to make my nose fall off. Nope! Flowers.
-Dish soap. I've been tempted to try some, but haven't been quite that hungry. Yet.
-Napkins/TP/Kleenex. Oh, you have a runny nose? That's OK, dear, because now your face smells like lavender and apple pie.
-The Metro. Granted, there are exceptions, but for the most part it's a surprisingly well ventilated and clean place. (Except the bathrooms. We don't talk about the bathrooms.)
-Construction workers. My school is currently undergoing hefty renovation. Considering the high concentration of glue, sawdust, paint, and man sweat that's been flying around the school, I was expecting it to make my nose fall off. Nope! Flowers.
Wednesday, October 3, 2012
Daily life, the universe, and everything
By request, this post is all about what it's like living in Shanghai. After being here a month I'm no seasoned veteran, but I'm getting there! Story time.
I wake up in the morning, groggily stumble to my bathroom, and turn on the shower. There's no actual bathtub or designated 'shower area.' Water comes out of a shower head that's attached to the wall, hopefully falls onto me, and runs to a drain in the middle of the floor. It's a bit awkward at first, since I could multitask and take a shower while doing any other bathroom-related activity. Sure makes cleaning your bathroom easy, though!
After turning on the shower, I realize the water is freezing, give a manly little yelp, and turn the water back off. Grumbling, I wrap a towel around myself and make my way to the kitchen, where I turn on the gas and water heater. We're not supposed to leave them on overnight, because we'll suffocate. Or explode. Or something. The rest of my morning routine proceeds normally.
I go outside, and start walking toward the metro. On my way there, I see hundreds of people, almost get run over by a scooter and a bus, and pass two street vendors inexplicably selling lace. I stop in a small restaurant and convenience store, buy a bottle of water, coffee, and a couple delicious dumplings for approximately $1.50 total.
In the metro station, I blend in with the locals by breezing by the guards at the security check who are supposed to scan my bag. I swipe my metro card, and whip out my trusty Kindle. A few metro stops and a bus ride later, and I'm at school!
After greeting the security guard and front desk people, I wade through a swarm of children and parents to the teachers' lounge. (Sidenote: kids should really have their own collective noun. There's a herd of cattle, a murder of crows, etc. I'm thinking "an anklebite of children.") I say 'hi' to all my fellow teachers, sit down, and begin preparations for the day's classes.
In this hypothetical day, I conveniently teach one class of each age group. My Small Stars class, containing students approximately aged 4-6, consists of me excitedly counting, asking the students how they are, and playing vocabulary games with flashcards. In my next class, which is full of a group of High Flyers aged 7-9ish, I juggle introducing new vocabulary and phrases with keeping the students entertained. It's a balancing act between retaining their attention over a severe language barrier, and getting them to actually learn and be productive. My final class of the day is a calm group of Trailblazers, aged 10-13. In this class, we can more naturally converse, talk about a wider range of subjects, and have extra time to explore subjects that interest the students.
After school, some friends and I decide to have a few drinks. So, I hop on the metro and make my way halfway across Shanghai to the French Concession. The trip costs $1, and puts me within easy walking distance of several bars. Worst case scenario, I text/call a very convenient service, which gives me the name and address of my desired location in both English and Chinese, and take a $3ish taxi ride from the metro stop.
The drinks are the most expensive part of my day, and cost anywhere between $2 and $11 apiece. Fortunately, I rationed myself and only brought a reasonable amount of money so that I wouldn't overspend. (Which is easy to do, since the money here still doesn't seem real to me. I know it has value, but my subconscious self still hasn't caught on.) Good thinking, pre-tipsy Tom. At some point, I decide that I'm hungry, so I walk to the nearest street food vendor. I pick up a few bamboo skewers filled with a wide selection of vegetables, raw meat or seafood, and hand it to the vendor. They grill it to perfection, season it with something delicious and spicy, and hand it back to me. At most, the meal costs about $3.
After a night of revelry, I'm forced to take a taxi back home since the metro closes at 11:00. This time, I don't need to cheat and use the address service thing. I can say where I need to go. I've been practicing. It's my moment to shine! Somehow the taxi driver can't believe what perfect Chinese is coming out of my mouth, and asks me to repeat myself a few times. I assume it's just so he can marvel at my natural, unaccented delivery.
The taxi ride back is like something out of an arcade game. The driver is pulling stunts that would get your license revoked in America, but is absolutely normal here. He weaves through traffic and pedestrians with impressive aplomb, and knows the dimensions of his car with machine-like precision. Somehow, we arrive incident-free, I walk home, and go to sleep.
The end.
I wake up in the morning, groggily stumble to my bathroom, and turn on the shower. There's no actual bathtub or designated 'shower area.' Water comes out of a shower head that's attached to the wall, hopefully falls onto me, and runs to a drain in the middle of the floor. It's a bit awkward at first, since I could multitask and take a shower while doing any other bathroom-related activity. Sure makes cleaning your bathroom easy, though!
After turning on the shower, I realize the water is freezing, give a manly little yelp, and turn the water back off. Grumbling, I wrap a towel around myself and make my way to the kitchen, where I turn on the gas and water heater. We're not supposed to leave them on overnight, because we'll suffocate. Or explode. Or something. The rest of my morning routine proceeds normally.
I go outside, and start walking toward the metro. On my way there, I see hundreds of people, almost get run over by a scooter and a bus, and pass two street vendors inexplicably selling lace. I stop in a small restaurant and convenience store, buy a bottle of water, coffee, and a couple delicious dumplings for approximately $1.50 total.
In the metro station, I blend in with the locals by breezing by the guards at the security check who are supposed to scan my bag. I swipe my metro card, and whip out my trusty Kindle. A few metro stops and a bus ride later, and I'm at school!
After greeting the security guard and front desk people, I wade through a swarm of children and parents to the teachers' lounge. (Sidenote: kids should really have their own collective noun. There's a herd of cattle, a murder of crows, etc. I'm thinking "an anklebite of children.") I say 'hi' to all my fellow teachers, sit down, and begin preparations for the day's classes.
In this hypothetical day, I conveniently teach one class of each age group. My Small Stars class, containing students approximately aged 4-6, consists of me excitedly counting, asking the students how they are, and playing vocabulary games with flashcards. In my next class, which is full of a group of High Flyers aged 7-9ish, I juggle introducing new vocabulary and phrases with keeping the students entertained. It's a balancing act between retaining their attention over a severe language barrier, and getting them to actually learn and be productive. My final class of the day is a calm group of Trailblazers, aged 10-13. In this class, we can more naturally converse, talk about a wider range of subjects, and have extra time to explore subjects that interest the students.
After school, some friends and I decide to have a few drinks. So, I hop on the metro and make my way halfway across Shanghai to the French Concession. The trip costs $1, and puts me within easy walking distance of several bars. Worst case scenario, I text/call a very convenient service, which gives me the name and address of my desired location in both English and Chinese, and take a $3ish taxi ride from the metro stop.
The drinks are the most expensive part of my day, and cost anywhere between $2 and $11 apiece. Fortunately, I rationed myself and only brought a reasonable amount of money so that I wouldn't overspend. (Which is easy to do, since the money here still doesn't seem real to me. I know it has value, but my subconscious self still hasn't caught on.) Good thinking, pre-tipsy Tom. At some point, I decide that I'm hungry, so I walk to the nearest street food vendor. I pick up a few bamboo skewers filled with a wide selection of vegetables, raw meat or seafood, and hand it to the vendor. They grill it to perfection, season it with something delicious and spicy, and hand it back to me. At most, the meal costs about $3.
After a night of revelry, I'm forced to take a taxi back home since the metro closes at 11:00. This time, I don't need to cheat and use the address service thing. I can say where I need to go. I've been practicing. It's my moment to shine! Somehow the taxi driver can't believe what perfect Chinese is coming out of my mouth, and asks me to repeat myself a few times. I assume it's just so he can marvel at my natural, unaccented delivery.
The taxi ride back is like something out of an arcade game. The driver is pulling stunts that would get your license revoked in America, but is absolutely normal here. He weaves through traffic and pedestrians with impressive aplomb, and knows the dimensions of his car with machine-like precision. Somehow, we arrive incident-free, I walk home, and go to sleep.
The end.
Monday, September 24, 2012
Attention gamer friends!
This is where I'm sitting RIGHT NOW. It's a coffee house / LAN center named Tristram 5 minutes from my apartment. If they have Starcraft / Dota tournaments here, I'm going to enter. And lose horribly.
School pictures
The courtyard just outside my school |
To the left of that courtyard, a bouncy palace that's set up every single day. Why wasn't there a bouncy palace at school when I was growing up? |
One of the classrooms, for the young 'uns |
An IWB (interactive whiteboard) in one of the classrooms |
More classroom! |
One of the areas that gets full of kids and parents every day |
The front desk |
One of the big classrooms with Chris, one of our locals. :) |
Two people tie balloons around their left foot, then try to pop the other person's balloon. I won my match, and got some fancy EF swag shown below! |
My lovely coworker Rachel displaying one of the flash cards I won. |
Now I can learn the characters for all the important words! |
Fancy winnings, all for popping a balloon. |
Sunday, September 23, 2012
Shanghaireland
As an example of the multicultural mishmash that is Shanghai, let me tell you about last night. One of my coworkers is an adorable, bouncy, happy little Irish bundle named Aisling who convinced us to go watch the Gaelic football finals. It was her team, Mhaigh Eo (pronounced Mayo), vs. the other guys. Gaelic football is sort of like rugby and soccer mashed together. It's a huge field populated by huge men wearing no protective gear who are beating the living piss out of each other to score points. Good fun.
Getting to the pub where the game was showing was bizarre. Aisling led the group along some street in the French Concession (a nice part of Shanghai), we took a sharp right, and suddenly we were surrounded by intense, rowdy, Irish soccer hooligans. The transition from "crowded Chinese street with food vendors and performing monkeys" to "Irish pub and Mhaigh Eo jerseys" was jarring, and took place in about 5 seconds flat. The game was being projected on a huge screen in the middle of the pub's courtyard. Unfortunately, the only picture I took turned out fuzzy, but I"ll post it eventually anyway.
Mhaigh Eo made another solid fan in me that night, and it's only partially because mayonnaise is delicious.
Getting to the pub where the game was showing was bizarre. Aisling led the group along some street in the French Concession (a nice part of Shanghai), we took a sharp right, and suddenly we were surrounded by intense, rowdy, Irish soccer hooligans. The transition from "crowded Chinese street with food vendors and performing monkeys" to "Irish pub and Mhaigh Eo jerseys" was jarring, and took place in about 5 seconds flat. The game was being projected on a huge screen in the middle of the pub's courtyard. Unfortunately, the only picture I took turned out fuzzy, but I"ll post it eventually anyway.
Mhaigh Eo made another solid fan in me that night, and it's only partially because mayonnaise is delicious.
Wednesday, September 19, 2012
Tuesday, September 18, 2012
Today I Learned
My first actual teaching session taught me a few things:
-According to the kids, my feet are inhumanly large
-Getting hit in the face with a rubber ball is funny in any language
-When the kids ask for a rubber, they want an eraser
See? Teachers learn just as much as their students.
Monday, September 10, 2012
You want pretty young girl massage! You want!
Going shopping on East Nanjing Road as an obviously new and oblivious American meant being constantly assaulted by men and women who thought I was a prime customer for sexy massages. I said the phrase "Buyao, xie xie!" (No want, thank you!) dozens of times that evening. It became my new favorite phrase.
After a couple hours of almost exclusively saying "Buyao, xie xie," I saw a twentysomething Chinese lady making eye contact with me, and striding purposefully in my direction. When she got close enough, my practiced reflexes kicked in, and I preemptively said "buyao!"
Her: "Buyao what?"
Me: "Uhhhh.... massage."
Her (shocked and offended): "NO! No massage! Why you think I give massage?!"
I don't know if I've ever seen someone look more horrified. So, I did what came most naturally to me. I apologized profusely, gave her one of the more awkward hugs of my life, and walked away without making eye contact.
Oops.
After a couple hours of almost exclusively saying "Buyao, xie xie," I saw a twentysomething Chinese lady making eye contact with me, and striding purposefully in my direction. When she got close enough, my practiced reflexes kicked in, and I preemptively said "buyao!"
Her: "Buyao what?"
Me: "Uhhhh.... massage."
Her (shocked and offended): "NO! No massage! Why you think I give massage?!"
I don't know if I've ever seen someone look more horrified. So, I did what came most naturally to me. I apologized profusely, gave her one of the more awkward hugs of my life, and walked away without making eye contact.
Oops.
Friday, September 7, 2012
Space Invaders
I've landed! I'm safe. For now.
Beginning with my flight from San Francisco to Beijing, I realized I'd have to reevaluate the size of my personal bubble. To my right was a very friendly man named Harvey who happily gave me hours of Mandarin lessons. To my left was a man I came to nickname "The Walrus." The Walrus seemed to think that, in addition to his seat, he was also entitled to half of mine. We didn't know any of the same words (except maybe how to say "beer" and "bathroom" in Mandarin, thanks to Harvey. Mission accomplished!), and he seemed oblivious to my awkward physical attempts to reestablish my territory. The Walrus wasn't mean or greedy. He was just very comfortable touching my left side. The Walrus goes where he pleases.
Since arriving at Shanghai, everyone has been incredibly nice and helpful. The EF facilities are impressive and much larger than I expected. Yesterday I visited the school where I'll be teaching, and was so happy to see that it was a colorful, kid-friendly, clean facility with tons of fancy high-tech equipment. I'll primarily use the classroom whiteboards as a touchscreen projector. As in, the image projected from the computer onto the whiteboard is controlled by me touching the whiteboard. I tap, drag, draw, etc, and things happen. It's like Minority Report. I really am living in the future! My fellow teachers were SO warm, excited, and welcoming. I'll be working with people from around the world, and they're all delightful.
Pictures soon.
Beginning with my flight from San Francisco to Beijing, I realized I'd have to reevaluate the size of my personal bubble. To my right was a very friendly man named Harvey who happily gave me hours of Mandarin lessons. To my left was a man I came to nickname "The Walrus." The Walrus seemed to think that, in addition to his seat, he was also entitled to half of mine. We didn't know any of the same words (except maybe how to say "beer" and "bathroom" in Mandarin, thanks to Harvey. Mission accomplished!), and he seemed oblivious to my awkward physical attempts to reestablish my territory. The Walrus wasn't mean or greedy. He was just very comfortable touching my left side. The Walrus goes where he pleases.
Since arriving at Shanghai, everyone has been incredibly nice and helpful. The EF facilities are impressive and much larger than I expected. Yesterday I visited the school where I'll be teaching, and was so happy to see that it was a colorful, kid-friendly, clean facility with tons of fancy high-tech equipment. I'll primarily use the classroom whiteboards as a touchscreen projector. As in, the image projected from the computer onto the whiteboard is controlled by me touching the whiteboard. I tap, drag, draw, etc, and things happen. It's like Minority Report. I really am living in the future! My fellow teachers were SO warm, excited, and welcoming. I'll be working with people from around the world, and they're all delightful.
Pictures soon.
Thursday, August 23, 2012
Hello, world!
Congratulations! You have stumbled upon the greatest blog mankind has to offer. I haven't actually left for China yet, but here's a list of topics I plan to cover during my travels:
-What it's like living in Shanghai
-Interesting/exotic/gross food (with pictures!)
-Interesting/exotic/gross people (with pictures!)
-Notable local landmarks, history, shops, and other cultural points of interest
-Amusing anecdotes from my students
-My (predicted) heroic exploits during the alien invasion of 2013
I'll arrive in Shanghai on September 6th, 2012. Check back here for more. Thanks for visiting.
-What it's like living in Shanghai
-Interesting/exotic/gross food (with pictures!)
-Interesting/exotic/gross people (with pictures!)
-Notable local landmarks, history, shops, and other cultural points of interest
-Amusing anecdotes from my students
-My (predicted) heroic exploits during the alien invasion of 2013
I'll arrive in Shanghai on September 6th, 2012. Check back here for more. Thanks for visiting.
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