Spalunking

Today, I got invited to go to a spa with a TA from my school, and some of his friends. My general policy on things like this while in China has been, "Say yes, and ask questions later." I had no idea what to expect, but they told me to bring my swimsuit, so I figured it couldn't be that bad.

When we got there, we surrendered our shoes and then separated to go change before reconvening. At least, that's what I thought was happening. Turns out there were two completely separate spa areas, for men and women. Can you guess what the dress code was, for this pool/sauna/hot tub zone full of men?

a) Swimsuits

b) Towels

c) Nothing

If you guessed a) or b), you're wrong. If you guessed c)... dingdingdingdingding! Actually, that's not quite accurate. Let me rephrase:

Dongdongdongdongdong!

Let me paint you a word picture. You know that one old guy/gal that's always in the locker room at any gym you go to, and they're completely confident strutting their stuff? That's how all the men were at this place. They were letting their guts hang out, sitting with their legs spread wide (WIDE) open, and bending over to lean on things while chatting with one another. Their body language didn't show a single iota of self-consciousness.

"Whatever, no big deal," I think. "I'll just wear my swimsuit. People will give me funny looks regardless."

So, I saunter out, shower, and hop in the pool with the TA from my school and his buddy. About three minutes later, an angry man comes over and tells me that if I don't take off my shorts, I'll be kicked out of the spa. With the TA translating, I explain that I'm not entirely comfortable walking around naked with a bunch of strangers, which the man finds completely bizarre, and would prefer to wear my shorts. 

Unacceptable.

After a little more conversation, I find out the spa provides disposable shorts. Huzzah! Perfect! The day is saved! Here's a picture of those shorts:

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Shit.

In case it's not obvious, I put my hand in them so you can see just how futile they would be:

"Well, Tom, you're out of options," I said to myself. "Fly free, and chalk it up to another memorable experience."

Honestly, after a short period of being uncomfortable, it was very relaxing. The general nonchalant attitude was infectious (hopefully that's all in that area that was infectious), and after a while I hardly noticed being naked. I still opted out of the massage, though.